Becoming a Better You: Negativity

“You have to ask yourself, ‘Does this item or thought or response move me closer to my vision for my best life?’ If it does, great. If it doesn’t, what is it doing in your life?”

—  Peter Walsh

Sometimes our thoughts are our greatest enemy. Negative thoughts can be so dis-empowering, and so are negative people.

Mister Negative

Image via Wikipedia

I am always conscious of the people I bring into my “circle”. I try my very best to avoid people who are perpetually negative because they’re a magnet for negative energy (look at the bonds formed by some of your coworkers). When you are so caught up thinking about all the wrongs that others did to you, or the external factors that are preventing you from doing something you’ve always wanted to do, your growth becomes stunted. You will never move forward.

If a thought, something or someone is in your life that’s not contributing to your quality of life, or helping you to become a better you, then you should get rid of it or them.

23 thoughts on “Becoming a Better You: Negativity

  1. this is a key ummmmm element of – i dunno what but I learned about it in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and more in some great books I read and one I happen to be reading right now – we can so control the quality of our life by the things that we think – Constructive versus destructive thinking…. there ARE always negative things in everyone’s life – no matter how positive you are… but it;s the thoughts we think about them… the action causes a thought based on a belief – agree? or am I just blowing smoke up your comment page …? 🙂 oh wait – the belief is the key to changing the thought – which then changes the action and examining every thought that enters our brains – do you have any idea how hard that is for me to keep track? If I got paid for it I;d be rich 🙂 just sayin…. to decide if it is constructive or destructive….

    • *Watch your thoughts, for they become words.* *Watch your words, for they become actions.* Watch your actions, for they become habits. Watch your habits, for they become character. Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.

      • I just got a book and ….set? I don;t know what to call it…Mandalas… Have you tried to meditate with those? I have the worst time…all funny aside..I don;t know how to stop my mind… but I have learned to for the most part not be negative – do you think I’m negative? no…I’m not right? is there a difference between accepting your shortcomings gracefully – and being negative – saying I can;t is negative but i try not to say it unless I have tried my hardest and just can;t. Or I’m in a bitchy mood…. you see how I am all over the place sometimes ? That is the real dealio… I donlt have any idea if I am trying to make a point here or what…. sorry… I’m such a dope…NOT.. wait is the dope the negative or the NOT cause NOT is negative but it was to counter……please stop me… i am really ….. gonna cry..

      • I would describe you as effervescent.
        I don’t think it’s negative if you’ve challenged yourself, and tried, and can’t get beyond a point, then accept that as a limitation.
        I think the striving (regardless of outcome) defines the positivity/negativity.

      • Effervescent is an apt adjective Guapoloosa (not to be confused with looser). Saying you can’t do something without even trying is being negative. Let’s face it. We all have our limits, and nothing is wrong with accepting our limitations. I wish I could fly, and after several failed attempts, I have conceded! 😦

        I did a poster once for my mentor: Poster (It should be the 9th one in the slide) about limitations. 🙂

      • that’s a nice word 🙂 a …happy word… ok so lets say… you have ..limitations because of an illness say with your….brain…and there are certain things that you always thought you could do but after reflecting on these things and the nature of THE BEAST.and getting input from others…realizing that you really didn;t do them well you faked it really well. everyone THOUGHT you were together and could do all these multitasking things but really – you only appeared to because the nature of …if you realize this then make an honest effort to fix it – to really be good at it for real …and it. just. doesnt. work. and the frustration is like such pressure and you wish you cold go back to the days when you thought you were doing it but you were really faking it because … if you finally say I can;t.. I just am not wired that way – accepting limitations because it is what it is even though some people have over come it…. is it more negative to continue to try to accomplish something you will probably never suceed at – or more negative to quit …and say I can;t…i get what you mean about about the striving but is there a point where striving for something that you will never be able to do…becomes worse than …. is the denial of your limitations negative and why is it that people perceive it as weakness when you say I can not do that….all tat to get to the crux of the biscuit… the bottom line being of course that I know the people that matter will not judge me by my limitations…but we are wired to believe that accepting them or admiting them is…weak….there are things i could do before i knew i couldn;t but it turns out i never could i just kept trying and i was tired … i am tired ..of trying to be someone i am not ….. so – then the other factor would be if you knew that a pill would help you be able to do certain things – change your limitations but change who you are….are you negative for saying I wonl;do it………. fiddlesticks – sorry. I am struggling mightily … in a creek no paddle – deep thoughts and brain dumps…..hows that for a mental moment?

  2. Wow. deep questions, lizziec.
    I don’t know how usefully I can reply, because I’m pretty sure we have different experiences with this, and I don’t want to say something that can be taken as insulting, when It’s just ignorance on my part.
    – More negative to quit or keep trying
    I don’t think it’s a question of which is more negative. I think it’s a question of how one reacts to it.
    Letting something go simply because it can’t be done, and accepting ones limits isn’t a bad thing.
    Neither is trying to find another way to do something, if one doesn’t become obsessed to the exclusion of all else (and I mean obsessed, not focused).
    – Denial of limitations
    For myself, there’s a ton of stuff I know I’ll never be able to do. I don’t dwell on it. Anymore than I wonder why I didn’t apply myself more in school.
    There are things I’m good at, as there are that you are good at. There’s things I suck at. And I’m referring to mental things. There are things that I just can’t make my brain do. But the stuff it can do is enough to make that acceptable.
    I think a lot of the “wired to believe” is soft training, not hard coding. Look at changing attitudes about gay marriage.
    – A pill
    I can’t speak to that at all. I would only ask, would it get you closer to your ideal self, or would it hurt you to change that much? In the end, for me, I’d pick happy. because when all is said and done, I’ve got my girl, my word and my piece of mind. And without piece of mind, none of the other stuff matters.
    Oh, and kickass taste in music.
    Just sayin…

    I really hope this doesn’t come off as a load of crap, and sincere apologies for eating your whole page, RC.
    Rock on, LizzieC! We’re on your side whatever you choose.

    • thank you for taking the time to muddle through that 🙂 RC – LOVE the poster – really – perfect 🙂

      And Guapman 🙂 you don;t have to worry that I would take anything you say as insulting – if I ever did – I would ask but I don’t get the vibe that, especially in a matter such as this you would so it on purpose – that is one of my things anyways – unless someone is really on my bad side – I would never try to insult them but sometimes just because I am .. exuberant or maybe manic 🙂 I may say something and oh my it kills me to kno i carelessly hurt someone, so i tend to turn that around and there are certain people here – you, RC, Linda..others that I know would not want to be hurtful….so no worries there. 🙂 and I really appreciate that you took the time to ponder my ,,, dilema.. I actually was in the middle of – something came up about work that I was seriously second guessing myself – some of my limitations are..things people take for granted and that tends to change the perception too i think… me learning to accept my limitations and live with them is not as hard as …changing the rules on others…i.e. when my mom gets mad at me for not being structured enough – not havng a routine and then of course than rubs off on the kids i used to take ot to heart and try try try … it;s not impossible for me but when i do it i fail miserably and i feel miserable and unworthy and ..when I decidedt to be me… others are having to adjust to me … i have accepted that i am how i am.. but how i am is really not functional – not many people can live like me but i can not… i can not stick to a schedule, get a grip on tme, remember where i put things.. time eludes me,, focus is rare .. i am oblivious to my surrounding sometimes…I can’t be succinct…:-) (i like the word though) these are things that may seem second nature to life. and i am happier in my own world than continuing to beat myself up anymore …but in my acceptance of myself, I cause some others to have ..negative feelings or perceive me as negative because when someone says can you be there on time and i say no…prob not but I will try…….hmmmm i think I am going in circles so I am going to …stop and think about this and finish it somehow…SORRY RC but I don’t think you are too surprised ? This is a safe place.. among friends. although I kinda hung my undies out for everyone to see… 😉 but when its just you two i feel…safe, accepted,unguarded expansive, verklempt, appreciated…..ok to be me..and depsite my excellent abiiity to appear like an open book with anyone it isn;t so… remember the scissors? 🙂 it;s possible I am on the edge of the brink of stumbling…I haven;t been able to rein it in too well lately – kinda scary and thanks…for being on my side…and – I am always on yours. that;s one thing i have no limitations on… here’s a fun bipolar fact……ummm…ok no..not now

      • I think you said it there. You’ve accepted your limitations, but others haven’t. In that case, the negativity is theirs, and it’s for you to not get sucked into it, no?
        If their suggestions aren’t helpful (or even valid), I’d go with a polite smile and a nod…
        Is that something that would work for you?

        As far as the undies, never would have pegged you for a thong. but i like the bow on the front. Very nice!

      • Polite smile….nod…hmmm i could probably manage it .I was thinking more along the lines of – Hey Your in MY WORLD NOW Grandma…too harsh…

        You probably wouldn;t think I am a bow kinda girl but it;s one of those things that adds to the je ne sais quoi – because it makes me feel pretty – which shows in attitude – and no one can figure out why :-).. like having a secret – think garters on the pitching mound…works great under BDU’s too

      • I think all of what is said in this recent comment put my post into perspective. It would be really frustrating to muddle over things that you KNOW (maybe after trying) that you cannot accomplish or achieve. Accepting your limitations doesn’t make you negative or a quitter. What it really means is realizing what you’re capable of and what you aren’t. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks about you. It’s YOUR limitations, not theirs. EVERYONE has limitations. I bet you some of those people cannot type 500 words in a comment in 30 secs, but YOU can!! Knowing your limits makes you wise. Accepting them makes you smart.
        Peace Liz! 🙂

        BTW, sometimes I don’t feel like responding because the Guapster responds so aptly!!!! You the boss Guapooster!

  3. Pingback: NOW IS THE TIME FOR YOU TO EXAMINE YOUR THOUGHT LIFE « Vine and Branch World Ministries

    • Why do you think you’re single? Look how many eligible blogging male friends you have that are positive. Myself. The Guapster … 😀

      • Ha. I appreciate being in the company of any eligible males 🙂 what I meant was I am married but I’m pretty sure I will end it this year because life’s too short to live with a misery who drains you emotionally and leaves you feeling like everything is your fault. I’m off to find a nice man….preferably much younger….and whom actually wants sex with me….all emails answered lol!!!

      • LOL 😆 I see. Well whatever makes you happy Marcia 🙂 More power to you. Happy woman’s day btw.

  4. Pingback: Negativity is labeling ANYTHING “negative” « JRFibonacci's blog: partnering with reality

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