Mental Intercourse

Let’s do things a bit differently hon.

Climb in bed beside me.

Strip down your mind to nothingness.

OPEN YOUR MIND to the thrusting of my words.

Let our THOUGHTS INTERTWINE.

Let us moan with MENTAL STIMULATION

Have orgasm on new ideas.

Let us PROCREATE … with our THOUGHTS.

idea

Image by orkboi via Flickr

GREAT Christmas Gift Ideas

If like me, you’re puzzled on what to get a loved one for Christmas, then look no further. I have compiled a list of Christmas items that are guaranteed to make your loved one verklempt!!

Items courtesy of Uncommon Goods

For Her

Bullet Casing Bracelet

If you’re a gun enthusiast and you collect your bullet casings (for whatever strange reason – maybe you have bullet-o-phobia: the fear of losing your bullet casing and letting them fall into the wrong hands) and you’ve always wondered what you’re going to do with them. Then construct a Bullet Casing Bracelet for your lover. That way it will be in (or ON, rather) good hands and close to home.

Bouquet Glove

Are you a hopeless romantic but you’re tired of the traditional roses that die over time. Then get her a Bouquet Glove. Every time she wears your glove, she’ll see those roses and a frown smile will light her face as she thinks about killing kissing you.

Sweater Skirt

If your woman is annoyed at the sweaters her mother send her every Holiday, then do her a favour. Rip up those hideous beautifully knitted sweaters and combine them all to make a beautiful skirt for her. She’ll appreciate it more coming from you because face it, Christmas is NOT about  complaining about crappy gifts you receive. It’s the thought that counts, right? 

Scrabble Jewellery

If you’re like me and you have a lot of trash treasure in your basement (like pieces of scrabble letters), then put those shit treasures to good use. You heard her hint time and time again that she needs a necklace. Scrabble Jewellery would be a pleasant surprise. Trust me 😉

Goggles Umbrella

I can’t tell you how much I hate not being able to see where I’m going during a heavy downpour! Nothing ticks me off more! Thank God for the genius that thought of the Goggles Umbrella!

Chocolate Stick

Is she hopelessly addicted to chocolate and its beginning to show around the mid section? As a concerned man, you want to tell her that she should loose weight, but you’re afraid to (you’re probably right). Get her the Chocolate Stick instead. It has the same scent with a lot less calories (it’s a safer alternative too).

For Him

Bacon Lube

Does your man love bacon more than you? Get him to share the love this Christmas with a tube of Bacon Lube. That way, he’ll be with both of his loves. What more could a man ask for? Let’s hope he doesn’t take the lube, kiss you on the forehead and go lock himself up in the bathroom 😦

Wooden Tie

He has a vast tie collection. Partly because he only requested ties for the Christmas. The stores are running out of ties to sell you. Put that hand saw in the garage that he never uses to some good use. For a more personal touch, you can carve his initials into his Wooden Tie, that way no one would dare try and steal it!

Toothpaste Wringer

Think he’s a cheap bastard frugal person, then maybe he’ll get the point if you get him the Toothpaste Wringer, or maybe your plans could backfire and he thinks the world of you for getting him a gift that facilitates his cheap bastardly economical way of life.

Perched Parrot

Do you think he talks incessantly? Does he opt to fix everything (or tries to) that is broken (or not). Then the perfect gift for him would be the Perched Parrot.

And last but certainly not least. For those people that has everything in the world, you can get them the one thing that they weren’t expecting – The Gift of Nothing. It’s only £4.

Gift of Nothing

So that’s it folks. I really hope it’s not too late to go and get something from the list for your loved one. To see them boil with rage that sparkle in their eye on Christmas Morning when they open their gift would be worth the trouble you took. With that said, I bid thee all a Merry Christmas!