Category Archives: Sex

Artist Alert: Jane Birkin & Serge Gainsbourg

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French is truly the language of love. I am immersing myself into this beautiful language. I’ve changed the language on my browser to French and I listen to French news. I also found some French bloggers out there in blog-sphere: One French Word, French A L.A Cart & Ici on Parle Francais (We Speak French).

(Note to self: Add visit France to bucket list).

I found this song Je T’aime … Moi Non Plus on Guylaine’s music blog GCG Creative Enterprise. The song is a dialogue between two lover during sex.

Jane Birkin & Serge Gainsbourg – Je T’aime … Moi Non Plus

Lyrics:

French

Je t’aime… Moi non plus

(refrain)
Je t’aime, je t’aime
Oh oui je t’aime !
Moi non plus
Oh mon amour

Comme la vague irrésolue

Je vais, je vais et je viens
Entre tes reins
Je vais et je viens
Entre tes reins
Et je me retiens

(refrain)

Tu es la vague, moi l’île nue

Tu vas, tu vas et tu viens
Entre mes reins
Tu vas et tu viens
Entre mes reins
Et je te rejoins

(refrain)

Comme la vague irrésolue

Je vais, je vais et je viens
Entre tes reins
Je vais et je viens
Entre tes reins
Et je me retiens

Tu vas, tu vas et tu viens
Entre mes reins
Tu vas et tu viens
Entre mes reins
Et je te rejoins

(refrain)

L’amour physique est sans issue

Je vais, je vais et je viens
Entre tes reins
Je vais et je viens
Et je me retiens
Non ! Maintenant viens !

English

Je t’aime… Mon non plus

I love you, I love you
Oh, yes I love you!
No longer me
Oh, my love…
Like the undecided wave
I go, I go and I come
Between your back
I go and I come
Between your back
And I hold back.

I love you, I love you
Oh, yes I love you!
no longer me
Oh, my love…
You are the wave, I’m the naked island
You go, you go and you come
Between my back
You go and you come
Between my back
And I rejoin you.

I love you, I love you
Oh, yes I love you!
no longer me
Oh, my love…
Like the undecided wave
I go, I go and I come
Between your back
I go and I come
Between your back
And I hold back.

You go, you go and you come
Between my back
You go and you come
Between my back
And I rejoin you.

I love you, I love you
Oh, yes I love you!
No longer me
Oh, my love…
The physical love is without a way out
I go, I go and I come
Between your back
I go and I come back
And I hold back
No! Now come!

Men – Get A Clue!!

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Why are men so selfish? Most MEN would LOVE a THREESOME. You, sandwiched by your wife and some random rolled off the red carpet hottie. That sounds quite divine!

ThreesomeBut what if your woman wants to indulge in such a delicacy too. Sandwiched by Troy superstar and heartthrob Brad Pitt and the hunk with no junk badboy Hugh Jackman. What would you say then? Brad Pitt

Hugh Jackman

Excluding the few men that wouldn’t have a problem, the others would suffer from Schlong-O-Phobia (the fear of all schlongs but your own) or some would complain of having a severe Allergic Reaction (the thought or sight of other schlongs except one’s own, causes rashes). What’s up with that?

And guys, what’s up with the ONE-SIDED CHEATING EXPERIMENTING? If you want to cheat experiment, why not have a talk with your person and come to some form of arrangement. You guys can have each other during the week and you cheat experiment (I can’t seem to get that right) on weekends and/or public holidays, or whatever works for you. Tiger Woods

 

Tiger Woods didn’t make any arrangement with his wife and look how well that worked out.

 

Why do you guys have to be all secretive about it? Is it because most men are insecure? Are you guys fearful that if there is in fact some agreement, your woman might actually grow fond of the third party’s schlong over your own?

 

And another thing. What’s up with getting your schlong sucked and not returning the favor??? Do you think that schlong choking was a mandatory requirement when you guys hooked up? I wonder what that second date was like:

Guy: After deep thought I’ve come to the realization that this relation is NOt HEADing in the right place.

Girl: What?! Are you breaking up with me?

Guy: Yes. It’s definitely not me. It’s YOU. My expectations were clearly too high :(

Girl: What expectation??

Guy: You don’t suck, and I just can’t have that. I’m sorry.

Girl: (splashes water in guy’s face) Storms off shouting DICK!!

Guys, if your woman decides on trying out your flavor popsicle, then you’re OBLIGATED to try hers!! (tootsie roll, that is). She likes it too!!! HELLOOOO!!! OrgasmCan I get a HAL-LEU-ER please!? She probably don’t bitch about it as much as you do (out loud that is), but  chances are she’ll enjoy it even more than you do.

N.B. Whenever your woman is trying your popsicle and you feel teeth (ouch!!), thats the time she’s cussing you in her head and got distracted. “Selfish fucker!! Oops! Sorry honey!”

To conclude, Men …

… the selfish thing is SO last year!

 

Unfaithful – Confessions of a Cheater

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What is it about cheating that makes us all fall into its trap? Is it the thrill of the newness? The attention we get from the third party (the cheater in crime)? The plethora of What Ifs that we ask ourselves?

Curiosity. We are enthralled by it.

We justify cheating by saying “Our partner has gotten boring” or “He/She doesn’t excite me anymore“. Were we made to be polygamous?

I can speak from experience, and believe me when I tell you that cheating is hard work. Instead of asking those What Ifs, and thinking how great it will be after you have satisfied your curiosity (no such thing by the way. once you start, you’ll be hooked like a junkie), think about the person you are in a relationship with. Think about why you’re with them (you must have been attracted to them for some reason), then think of the risks that you will be taking if you indulge.

My main reason for cheating was the ego boost and secondly I was searching for “The One“. Just knowing that I could get a particular woman gave me great joy. My longest relationship was SIX MONTHS :( But even after many va-jajays, I still had a longing for something more. And I’m quite proud to say that after years of searching…

(drum rolls please)

I FINALLY found her. She completes me (sounds cliche right?). I cannot imagine my world without her in it (wow, this is just riddled with cliches). And when I hear the occasional What Ifs being asked, I draw for my 12-Gage and blast that fucker away :)  When she’s in pain, I’m in pain. So why would I intentionally put her through something like that? Sadistic little fucker. Oh, and she knows about my playboy ways (sweet right :) )?

(This post is getting longer by the minute)

So, to all you would-be cheaters, it’s not worth it. You might be thinking “what’s the worse that could happen?”. Well aside from REALLY hurting the person you love, she could draw for her 12-Gage and blow your head off (small or big would be her choice). Ladies, the man could kill you and the innocent person you cheated with. FOOD FOR THOUGHT :)

Only Girl In The World [Part 3]

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How To Treat Your Woman Like a Princess

[Part 3]

[Part 2]

act like a man

Will Smith & Jada Pinkett-Smith

5. Act like A Man: Women like to feel protected. A man must act like a man and all that the title of MAN  implies – HUSBAND, FATHER, PROTECTOR, CAREGIVER. It’s NEVER acceptable to put your hand on your, or any, woman. Earlier I said that we are simple and that women should be specific when requesting things. But here’s the honest truth. You can’t expect your partner to do everything. You have to help out with a lot of things. You’re in it together. Man up. Clean the house BEFORE she even ask. After being surprised with the clean house, she might even surprise you ;)

It’s a fact that when a man acts like a man, your woman will be more open and confident in you. It’s less likely that she will cheat on you, and the bond between you will grow stronger :)

cheating

6. Cheating: I woman can know when her man is cheating. I can’t really explain it. It’s just one of their MANY gifts. Men are natural predators. Even in relationships, we have a tendency to flirt and carry on. I am guilty of this (flirty that is. Had to clear that up just in case she’s reading this). I’m a serial flirter. What’s unacceptable though is transitioning from flirting to affair. Try and contain the Tarzan in you. It’s really unfair to the woman you’re with. Let’s be real, it’s only natural to be attracted to people other than our partners. My partner said something quite provocative to me once. She said if she sees a guy that may pose a “threat” (meaning, having similar characteristics) to me, then she try and avoid that person. Guys, you could do something similar.

Some women go crazy when they find out their man is cheating

And that’s my last piece. Follow these steps and you’ll have one happy woman….until it’s that time of the month again :)

Sincerely,

Concerned Man

Only Girl In the World [Part 2]

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How to Treat you Woman Like a Princess

[Part 2]

[Part 1]

3. Being Appreciated: Women like to feel appreciated. If you’re going out and she spends 2hrs getting ready leaving only 30mins to get to the location, don’t get upset. She’s dolling up for YOU. She wants you to notice that she looks gorgeous and TELL her. If you don’t, she’s going to spend the entire night thinking that you don’t care.

appreciated

If she always comes home from work and cook dinner for you, try switching it up a bit. Get off work early so you can go home and prepare a romantic candlelight dinner for her. Her favorite music playing in the background and you greet her as she comes home in your best tuxedo and a white rose….for example of course :)

Most women like simple gestures. So you could send her a box of chocolates at her office with a simple Just because it’s Thursday note.

Oh, and when you’re walking on the road with your woman by your side, don’t stare at the woman that just passed with the big ass. Let your woman feel like she’s the only girl in the world.

4. Sex: Fellows, there is nothing that dry’s up a woman quicker than routine sexual activity. Lil Flip’s song ‘sunshine’ says:

“I need a lady in the streets but a freak in the sheets
That know how to cook cause a nigga like to eat
Spaghetti, shrimp and steak and I’ll adore you
I’ll treat you like milk, I’ll do nothing but spoil you”

The same applies for us guys. Our women likes a man that can take charge and handle his business right in the bedroom. Provide heights of pleasure that cause her to get wet every time she thinks about it. I have yet to meet a woman that doesn’t like when you eat the exotic fruit, but experiment to find out what she likes and what she doesn’t. Whipped Cream maybe ;)

Sincerely,

Concerned Man

She Cheated on Me So I Cheated Back

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I made my grand debut on WordPress in July 2011. New to the wonderful world of WordPress my only friend was CJ. I was totally oblivious to the notion of subscriptions, so every time I made a blog entry I would call her up and tell her to check it out. It was blissful blogging. But then someone commented on one of her blog entries and it wasn’t me! She found another liker, Harnew!

Who the hell was this Harnew person? I had to investigate. I visited his blog. Damn, he had it going on. Comments after comments. Posts after posts. Is this the kind of man she wanted? I must admit I was a bit jealous. I sent him a comment asking for improvements to my blog, but I had ulterior motives. I wanted him to comment on my blogs too. Our threesome was awesome! And then the unthinkable happened….

Someone else wanted to be apart of our little family. She was sexy. Her lips were seductive. She read my post and hit ‘like’. I was turned on! TheWholeWorldsWrong, you are right for me.

My blogging family grew from then on. LaFemmeRoar joined shortly after. She was far from demur. One sassy b–abe, but grounded.

I think I am now a polygamist. I had a blogging affair with Christina. She has some steamy fantasies. Or are they? ;)

Every family has to have a serious figure. Whether it be the father or the mother. Our serious figure was Pete. Very militant. We weren’t allowed to stay out late and party. We had to be in the house at 10pm or else…

 

So that’s my family. I just want to tell you guys thanks for your support throughout the years…months. It feels good knowing that the content I post is worth reading. You guys are awesome writers and for you to take time out of your busy blogging schedule to check up on little old me, means a lot. So thank ya!

 

Only Girl In the World [Part 1]

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How To Treat Your Woman Like a Princess

[Part 1]

Listen up guys. This is the my TOP SECRET how-to book on how to treat your woman like a princess. This is the only electronic copy ever released, and I’ve decided to share the secret with my fellow testosterone pals. My biggest weakness in life are women. They are like my Kryptonite, and even though I have found my Louis, I still love each and and every woman out there on mother earth. So without further ado, let me lay it all out.

 

1. Mind What You Say:

You should be familiar with the saying that there is no right or wrong answer to certain questions right. That totally doesn’t apply to women. There are A LOT of wrong answers and a few right ones. Women always over-analyze what we say. Always. It’s not really their fault though, they were just designed that way. NEVER refer to her in any derogatory way, except in the bedroom ;)

 

 

2. When Big Red Comes Knocking: I know. I know. That time of the month is like torture for  us. They are like monsters. She could ask you for chocolate ice cream, and when you  get the chocolate ice cream for her she gets upset and said she wanted vanilla. Sighs! EVERYONE that has a female partner has gone through it.

It’s a very hard time for them. They are going through a lot of pain. Pain that we CAN’T  even imagine. So if she gets upset over the chocolate ice cream, smile and get her the vanilla. And while you’re at it, get a lot of other flavors just in case ;)

Besides, it’s just for one week out of the month anyways. Whats the worse that could happen :)

 

 

Sincerely,

Concerned Man