The Madness Meme – Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: The Madness Meme, Part 1

Cheers to all of us thieves!

1. Have you ever licked the back of a CD to try to get it to work?

~ Not to get it to work though, to get high. Rock CDs are the best! Tasting a Linkin Park track just takes me to another place.

2. What’s the largest age difference between yourself and someone you’ve dated?

~ 1, 2, 5….6 yrs :)

3. Ever been in a car wreck?

~ Too damn often. (And its never my fault btw.)

4. Were you popular in high school?

~ Hmm…I was a nerd, so I was known by the teachers. Does that count?

5. Have you ever been on a blind date?

~ I have, and I am suffering to this day. My lens are sooo thick!

6. Are looks important?

~ …. Flava Flav you tell me.

7. Do you have any friends that you’ve known for 10 years or more?

~ Yes, but they’re more like acquaintances now.

8. By what age would you like to be married?

~ 30 I think. I hope the Mrs isn’t reading this. She might have other plans :)

9. Does the number of people a person’s slept with affect your view of them?

~ Not really.

10. Have you ever made a mistake?

~ What is that? I’m perfect bitches!

11. Are you a good tipper?

~ It depends on what is being served ;)

12. What’s the most you have spent for a haircut?

~ I do it myself. Mind you it’s not professional looking, but it works. When people ask whats up with my hair, I tell them its the new trend.
13. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher?

~ Oh dear! Have I ever!

14. Have you ever peed in public?

~ Yes and it was awful. The public bathroom was so nasty.

15. What song do you want played at your funeral?

He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame

16. Would you tell your parents if you were gay?

~ Anything is achievable after several glasses of scotch!!

17. What would your last meal be before getting executed?

~ I’m too clever to ever get caught.

18. Beatles or Stones?

~ Beatles

19. If you had to pick one person on earth to die, who would it be?

~ Really, just one. C’mon! I would probably choose you for giving me just one

20. Beer, wine or hard liquor?

~ Beer, wine and hard liquor :)

21. Do you have any phobias?

~ Fearophobia – The fear of expressing your phobia to people. (I didn’t make it up. The definition is on the world renowned Urban Dictionary)

22. What are your plans for the future?

~ To become a tycoon. But shit happens so let’s wait and see.

 

 

She Screwed Me Well

I needed to get off the base because colonel was pissing me off about messing up the parade earlier.

I went to the nearest bar to clear my head. I went to my favorite spot.

The spot where my back was squared against the wall giving me a perfect view of the entire bar.

Some would say I’m paranoid, but I think it’s my military training and the time I spent in Iraq.

I was on my third Cuban and fifth glass of scotch and ready to leave when I saw her, or rather her legs. Long, sexy and toned.

My eyes crept slowly up from her red Christian Louboutin pumps and paused right below her ass where her black laced mini dress stopped.

Christian Louboutin Pumps

Her pose captured the attention of all the men in the bar. She sat seductively and invitingly on the bar stool. She looked around and then ordered a dirty martini. Within minutes, three vultures surrounded her and were picking away at her. She looked uninterested and annoyed.

I signaled Bruce, the bartender, to give the mysterious woman a Flirtini. I waved to her when Bruce pointed to me. Ten minutes later I went over. With one hand placed gently on her hip, I whispered in her ear “I’m here to rescue you from these losers”.

She smiled and I led her to my corner.

Hours rolled by in seconds. We talked and laughed like two seasoned lovers. I could tell that she was drunk and horny and I was approaching my quota. She kept rubbing her leg up and down my calf as she licked up the juice that dripped down her fingers from the pineapple, each time inching closer and closer to my dirty banana. Flirtini

I told her it’s time to go.

She asked, my place our yours?

I said mine.

On our way to my place, she took off her panties and threw it in my lap. I almost crashed.

We barely got through the front when her hand was down my pants and her tongue down my throat.

I pinned her to the front door and slipped my middle finger into her very fertile land.

Her mounds stared firmly at me. She massaged the dirty banana with her tongue for 10mins then she led it by its head into the fertile land of wonders.

I explored the depths of the oasis for about an hour or two. On the leather sofa, the staircase, against the bookshelf, the kitchen counter and ended in the bedroom. We I was exhausted. I fell asleep on the bedroom floor.

The following morning, I woke to find her gone. That was expected, but what I didn’t expect to see was an empty space where my 72inch plasma once hung, replaced by a note saying:

PLASMA WAS HERE!

XOXO

Is Taxation Slavery?

 

Is taxation slavery?

What is taxation? Taxation in essence is the state taking the earnings of its citizens. If you are apart of a society, you are required by law to pay taxes. If a honest man works hard to make a living, is it right for the state to take part of his earnings? The taking of something from someone without consent is by definition theft.

Taxation = Taking of Earnings

So, if taxation is the taking of earnings, is the state in essence sugar coating forced labor with the term “taxation” ? Forced labor is the taking of one’s time and leisure.

Taxation = Forced Labor

If the state has a right to MY earnings (my labor), that means the state has a right to ME, or at least some ownership in me. And by definition, the ownership of any individual is slavery.

Taxation = Slavery

Double Standards

Isn’t it amazing how quick we are to bash people for doing something and then turn around and do the same exact thing we just bashed the person for, and when we are called out, we try to give some lame justification for what we did.

The most recent and popular example of this hypocrisy was when presidential hopeful Herman Cain said “I don’t believe racism in this country (USA) today holds anybody back in a big way”. When sexual harassment charges were placed against him, Mr Cain said that the allegations were a form of “high-tech lynching”.

I am not exempt from this double standard way of life. It is a flaw of humanity. We are unable to pass judgment on our-self because we have a perfect model of our-self in our mind and what that self should or would do. When we do these things that are contrary to our perfect self that is when we provide justification. I am blessed to have a Mrs that is as vocal as I am, and will put me in line when I become out of sync with reality. She’s my moral compass :)

Is there a cure for this kind of behavior?

Will everyone need to have a “moral compass”?

What are your thoughts?

Back to Reality

Where is all the color.

The place is so gloomy.

But everything else seems to function the same.

Hmm…This requires some getting use to.

 

Hey Grandma. I haven’t seen you in years. What are you doing here?

I live here. She said. In this dull boring place?! I couldn’t live here. It’s seems so lifeless.

You will get use to it. She said. Something got my attention and I glanced away.

When I looked back she was gone.

I feel heavy and weary as if I’m being held down by some gloomy force.

I heard a humming and when I looked around, there was someone in a black robe writing in a book.

What a strange way to dress. I thought.

Hello sir. What’s your name? I asked. Ted Haima. He replied, without looking up at me.

What a strange name. I thought.

Ted Haima said he wanted to show me something so I should follow him. Reluctantly I did.

On our way to – wherever, a lot of people seemed to know him. They all looked at him with fear?

He must be the one that runs this town. I thought. We arrived at an accident scene. It looked awful.

I asked Ted what happened.

He didn’t respond.

I went to have a closer look.

It was … me! How could this be?!

Ted looked up at me. Revealing a skeleton structure where his face should be.

The stick he had in his hand was actually a scythe.

You are …

That means I am …

It can’t be!

Wait, TED HAIMA = I AM DEATH

I woke!

Alive and unscathed!

How 69-ing can save your relationship

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The best way to spruce up your sex life is to think outside the box. If you or your partner haven’t 69-ed before (good God!), then you NEED to educate yourself. Trust me, your relationship will NEVER be the same again.

Ingredients:

  • Bucket of Ice
  • Whipped Cream

The most sensitive part of the penis is the head. Fellatio is best served with a chilled mouth. When the cold lips touches your partner’s penis it will literally send chills throughout their body. Your partner can squirt the whipped cream (flavor of your choice) along the shaft of the penis and lick it for added pleasure. If your partner’s tongue is pierced, this is a definite BONUS! Chilling the nipples with ice cubes can be a turn on too.

Tips

  1. Make your tongue as flat as possible, then slowly run it along the shaft of the penis from base to tip. Take your time and leave no spot unlicked.
  2. Glance up at him occasionally while your down there licking.
  3. Build anticipation by varying the speed by which you bob.
  4. Gently pull the skin of the shaft with your teeth.
  5. Popping some Altoids pre-fellatio can result in a big blast.

Women are very complex and they have a lot more erogenous zones than men. It can get a bit overwhelming trying to activate each one. However, two of the MOST sensitive parts of a woman’s erogenous zones are the clitoris (clit) and the elusive G-Spot.

The clitoris is much easier to find. It’s located about two inches above the entrance to the vagina and at the top of her inner labia. Her clitoris is similar to the penis because its filled with nerve endings which provides MAXIMUM pleasure. Using your index and middle finger to split her outer labia will usually reveal her clit covered in a hood (its version of foreskin). Gentle licking and sucking will cause the clit to emerge from its hood.

Tip: You’ll know that you’re doing the right thing when she starts doing one or all of the following: (1) speaking a foreign language (2) pulling your hair or (3) squirming on the bed.

The G-Spot can be tricky. It’s not as obvious as the clit because it is inside her vagina. The G-Spot is MUCH easier to locate when the woman is aroused. That said, face your partner while she is lying on her back and insert your index or long middle finger into her vagina. Bend the finger towards you rubbing it against the top of the vagina wall. The G-Spot will feel rougher than the surrounding area.

To maximize pleasure, you can play with her G-Spot while licking or sucking her clit. If done the right way, she’ll be begging you to insert your penis into her. Happy 69-ing folks.

Disclaimer: 69-ing may cause an increase in sexual demand. If you’re not physically able to deliver then I would suggest you refrain from such pleasurable activities. Amor24 will not be held liable for the creation of a sex monster.

 

How to cheat and not get caught

This topic is brought to you by Lafemmeroar.

 

People cheat for various reasons. Maybe the cheater explorer is feeling unappreciated, emasculated, used or curious. In my experience, there is always a reason that leads to unfaithfulness.

Men

Text Messages

Men are very simple creatures with simple desires. Men love to feel like they’re in charge (feel like a man). They also love to feel wanted, and so, if their woman isn’t delivering, then they’re going to find someone that will. Now guys, if you’re going to have an affair, stick to calling. No TEXT MESSAGES please. I know it’s a turn on when you get a rude text and you want to look at it over and over to relive the moment, but remember that you’re cheating (its called an affair for a reason you know).

 

Set Boundaries

You can’t be at home with your partner and having the partner-in-cheat calling you at odd hours. And don’t you think it will be too obvious whenever you get a call, you suddenly need to take out the trash or you need to go to the grocery store? Set time limits.

The Giveaway Scent

Guys, if you live with your partner, chances are she is going to get familiar with your scent. After a heated session with your partner-in-cheat, you can’t come home smelling like Chanel No. 19. If you’re going to visit your partner-in-cheat, keep a bottle of your favorite cologne in your briefcase mate.

 

In the bedroom

If you’re a reserved person, then coming home one night collar loose, with briefcase in one hand and whipped cream in the other will raise some red flags. Baby steps mate. Baby steps.

 

Women

It is said that women are better at cheating than men. With that said, this will be short.

Keep doing what you’re doing. :)

Note

It should be noted that affairs are temporary. What makes an affair so interesting and “hot” is the fact that it is new. Before having an affair, it would be in your best interest to talk to your partner about any problems you’re having in the relationship. There is nothing sillier than getting upset over something your partner has no knowledge of.

 

DISCLAIMER: The above post is not to be mistaken as something Amor24 did or will ever do. The relationship that Amor24 is in is far too perfect for him to even give such actions a first not to mention second thought. Amor24 thinks that people who engage in such acts are cowards and mentally emotionally unstable.

 

Man’s Best Friend – Lost Love

Sally. The name I gave my first pet dog.

I was a mere sophomore when I got Sally. On my way home I saw her at the gate of a yard I frequently pass. I was charmed by the cute little bundle of joy. I asked the owner if I could get her. She agreed because Sally was only one of eight. I carried her home in a carton box on my one hour commute. Sally was a great companion. I couldn’t wait to get home so I could see her. I could tell the feeling was mutual because every evening when I get home, she would be waiting at the gate for me.

Sally had several pups, all but one survived, Spike.

One evening I got home and Sally wasn’t in her usual place. I asked my mom where she was and without any warning, my mom told me that she is DEAD. Everything around me stopped. I could hear my heart pounding. I went to my room…

Several months later, my dad brought home Beethoven. Another cute, fat and cuddly pup I thought. Beethoven was uber special. I trained him (to the best of MY amateur ability) to come, sit, rollover (not really) and other simple tasks – like stay. On weekends we had the most fun together. I loved watching him play with the cats. Unaware that they are mortal enemies, they were so innocent.

Like a sudden earthquake, death struck again. Again I was at school and my mother dropped the news on me again. This time little Beethoven swallowed a tooth. I couldn’t keep back the tears. I was heartbroken. It was in that moment that I partially closed off my heart. I refused to get that attached for fear of loosing … loosing.

I am getting teary eyed writing this post.

R.I.P My pups.